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I'm 35 weeks into this pregnancy and I have suddenly become very tired and grumpy. I cannot get enough sleep and I cannot be nice. To anyone. Things that I would usually find funny are not so funny right now. We're going to see The Simpsons Movie tonight and I'm worried that the raincloud I have over my head will destroy my opinion of the movie.
I'm frustrated that I'm feeling this way. For the most part, I've been relatively comfortable during this pregnancy. But I just got hit this week with discomfort and a nasty case of grumpiness. I just cannot snap out of it. My stomach feels really tight and I can't imagine how on earth the baby inside me is supposed to gain 2 more pounds before I give birth. It just seems impossible.
So, to amuse myself, I made this list. It's the eight signs you're in the home stretch of pregnancy:
Where have my feet gone? I only see them in the evening and, when I do see them, they look foreign to me. They're all puffed up without any definition between calf and foot. I had a pedicure a few weeks ago and I can tell that the polish is holding strong, but I can't get to my feet to put lotion on them so I think I'm due for another foot treatment soon.
It's like when you have sex with a boyfriend for the first time. Suddenly, he's only interested in having sex. What happened to those great conversations we had? What happened to your (apparent) genuine concern about my well-being? Now, it's all about me dropping my pants and you poking around to find out whether this baby is on her way out.
I've been exclusively sleeping on our couch for about two weeks now. I cannot handle the sharp, stabbing pain I get in my hips after I lie on my side for only an hour. If I try to sleep in my bed, I end up waking up every hour to turn over and stretch out my hips to relieve myself of the pain. Instead, I've started propping myself up on our couch with no fewer than four pillows. I end up at about a 45 degree angle and am at least able to get about 5 hours of sleep at one good stretch. What sucks is telling my husband 'goodnight' and then walking down the stairs to my own "bed". Depressing. Also? The cats think that because I'm downstairs, that means they can ask to go outside at 5 am. And by "asking" to go out, I mean "demanding" to go out by banging on the blinds, scratching the front door or just flat-out yelling at me.
I hate when fitness experts insist that women in their third trimester can continue with their normal exercise, but just "modify" it a bit. What-frickin-ever. Obviously these people have never been pregnant. Anything more than a 15-minute walk is agonizing. My stomach is so tight and my lower back is under so much pressure at this point, that waddling for 15 minutes is comparable to a day hike.
I know there's hair on my legs. I can feel it when my pants rub against my calves. Yet, no matter how I contort my body, I cannot reach down there to shave the hair off. There is a solid thing called a baby that prevents me from bending over in any manner. I can squat on dry land, but I don't dare try that in the shower where I am sure to fall and crack my head open on the bathtub.
The purple stretch marks have suddenly started snaking up from the bottom of my belly. I noticed the other day that there were significantly more stretch marks and they appear to be headed for my belly button. They look like vines growing up from the top of my underwear. Except there aren't any blossoms, they're just evil, purple vines.
I do the same load of laundry every 3 days because that's when I run out of shirts and underwear. I have one pair of pants that still fit and they are a cheap pair of khakis that roll up from the bottom to become capris. They're actually pretty dorky-looking, but I do not care one bit. So far, they are not constricting anywhere on my body and that is the only criteria I currently hold for clothing that I will wear. I also have only three shirts that actually cover my belly adequately, which means you cannot see the stretchy material from the pants underneath. And I only have 3 pairs of underpants that don't leave purple marks on my hips at the end of the day. Even if I had more than 3 pairs of underwear, I would still have to do laundry every 3 days because I ALWAYS get a shirt dirty. Every single day. I can't wear a shirt more than once.
My lack of patience rears its ugly head most often when I am
driving or when I am watching television. I have ZERO patience for
stupid drivers, and that seems to be pretty much everyone on the road
these days. Why do people insist on slowing for school zones when
school is not in session? It's late-July, people! And, when we pass a
speed limit sign that says '45', why do you keep going '20'? Why? Why?
Why?
Television is also where I lose my patience lately. If The Daily Show
does not make me laugh within the first 30 seconds of the program, I
turn it off. You're supposed to be funny, dammit! Dance, monkey, dance!
And, as I was watching the news the other day, I found myself scanning
the coffee table for an object that I could hurl at the television set
without breaking it. I almost threw my dinner roll- but that's food and
I need lots of it lately - so instead I got up and walked into the
kitchen to work off my frustration on the dirty dishes.
What did you experience during your final weeks of pregnancy?
For me it wasn't that it hurt too much to walk, it was that I had to pee literally every 15 minutes most days, which sort of puts a crimp in things. That was also what kept me awake most nights more than the hip pain, although I remember that too. Oh, and my sinuses were congested for the last 5 months, and I had to sleep all propped up so I could breathe. So glad to be on this side of pregnancy!!! I know it seems interminable now but soon enough it will all be over and things really do feel better right after birth. It's amazing (especially the ability to go for hours--hours!--without peeing).
You left out the part where *I* shaved your legs for you. Just say the word and I will awkwardly remove the hair from your legs while I try desperately not to cut you. That's what expectant dads are for.
Sign #9: Even your flip flops are too tight to wear. I had the worst time finding shoes that would fit on my swollen, swollen feet, and ended up jamming my toes into some ugly elastic slides and shuffling around all day. Even socks were uncomfortable. Not pretty. Another tip for avoiding constricting clothes - I wore a lot of dresses toward the end. Not because I wanted to be all fancy, but because they didn't involve a waistband of any kind.
I'm with Samantha...walking was fine except that I could not go more than 20 mins without peeing...so any walk that was supposed to go longer than that, had to go in a circle around my house so I could stop in to pee. It worked though, he arrived almost 2 weeks before his official due date. And I totally sympathize on the stretch marks. I had one - ONE - stretch mark that I knew about when I went into the hospital...then, when I was having a bath after the baby was born, my limp, saggy underbelly revealed itself as the home of what seemed like hundreds of angry purple vines. Yikes. At least now at 5 months after the fact, they have faded enough that I'm contemplating pulling on a 2 piece to go for a swim in this crazy heat wave...
I'm 40 weeks pregnant now and I swear if one more person asks me how I feel, what I'm having, whether I'm excited/nervous, when I'm due or if I could "hurry up and have a baby already" someone is going to die. For some reason [but I'm assuming it's my lack of patience] I've become very anti-social. I don't like people anymore. I have noooo patience with or for anyone. And I'm going to be 100x more of a monster if another week goes by and I still don't have this kid. I think the biggest annoyance I've had is being inconvenienced by my gut. Like the fact that I just wanna put on a pair of pants WITHOUT feeling like I'm bending my ribs upward during the process. I would like to be able to wash the dishes WITHOUT my gut causing my shirt to get wet. I would like to sleep in my favorite position [on my stomach] WITHOUT feeling like I'm balancing on a basketball. I would like to be able to sleep! PERIOD! I would like to feel pretty again. I've only gained 25 pounds which is awesome because I'm all baby, BUT I'd still like to look like the 22 year old that I am.
So...yeah. That's been a few of my discomforts and complaints. I keep telling myself any day now, but...it doesn't feel like it.
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I had this insatiable urge to walk. I'm not one who exercises, at all, but during those last few weeks I was out walking close to an hour a night to try to get that baby out! My lack of patience had everything to do with not wanting to have to wait for my due date. Didn't work, though, but I did get to know my neighborhood quite well.