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I just had a really bad week. My emotions have been all over the place--but mostly I have been a raging bitch. My poor husband is the one who has had to deal with it and I feel incredibly guilty about my erratic behavior this week.
We were watching The U.S. vs. John Lennon and I suddenly got all emotional when Lennon's Christmas/Peace song "War is Over" started playing about 2/3 of the way through the movie (by the way, what the hell is the point of that damn movie???). I started to tear up and poor Jason made the mistake of looking at me like I was crazy. That threw me directly from weepy to enraged and I actually reached over and SMACKED HIS FACE. Not a major slap or anything--it probably wouldn't qualify as domestic violence--but I wanted to wipe that "you're crazy" look off his face. Smartly, he walked out of the room and let me seethe.
On Friday, I had put too many work-related items on my plate. I was exhausted and suffering from heartburn. I couldn't get a story for the local newspaper done on time so Jason actually stayed at work an hour late so I could finish it. How do I thank him for staying late at work for me? By shooting down his idea to go for Indian food (did I mention how I already had heartburn) and just being a general, ungrateful bitch on the entire ride home.
So now, I've gone from major bitch to major guilt trip. I have no idea how to make it up to him for my behavior this week. He has been a champion and has bit his tongue while the bitchiness has oozed out of me. I think the best thing I can do is give him some Anna-free time. That starts this morning when I go to yoga class and then a pedicure with my sister-in-law (a birthday present for me, but I feel like I don't deserve any pampering). That's at least 5 hours without me around.
I'm afraid I'm only going to get worse as this pregnancy proceeds. I am full term on Thursday and, if nothing is happening a week from Thursday, I'm considering getting my membranes stripped to see if we can induce labor in a drug/medical-free way. Of course, I'd love for this labor to start naturally. But, I'd also love to stop making everyone else around me miserable.
Thanks, Becks!
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Anna Johns is a blogger, podcaster and mother living in rainy Portland, Oregon.
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Hang in there, Anna! I know it is tough, and the little aches and pains and things accumulate at this stage and affect the psyche. The heartburn (I had a bad case, too) really aggravates, not to mention that at this point in my pregnancies, I just wanted my body back!!!
Here's the good news for both you and Jason, which you probably already know, but is worth repeating: This situation is temporary (you have not permanantly become a psycho-bitch, I promise), and the result is totally worth all of the issues that preceed it.
So, keep on keepin' on, and from all of the fan moms out here (I can speak for everyone, right?), we support you in the final stretch! :)