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First of all, I want to thank all of you who commented on last week's podcast. Talking about Elliot's birth is obviously still pretty emotional for me and it was nice to have some support outside of my small circle of family and friends. And, don't worry, I'm spending lots of quality time with Elliot and not a lot of time dwelling on the birth experience.
This week Elliot is one month old. I can't believe that a month has already gone by. I'm trying to figure out how to squeeze some of my former life back into my daily routine. So far, that's proving hard. And part of me doesn't want to have anything to do with my former work life... but, alas, how will we pay the bills?
This week, I thought I'd share with you all the things I've done that I swore I'd never do as a parent. As I said, I'm only a month into this thing and already I'm sticking my foot in my mouth.
For instance? Formula. We had to supplement Elliot with formula for a week after her birth because she lost too much weight in the hospital. That was an extremely emotional thing for me because...after already having failed at childbirth, I felt as though I was also failing at motherhood. I couldn't nourish my baby. Well, we got past the formula thing pretty quickly and my milk came in. But, the formula sure is tempting. The baby sleeps longer after eating it and my boobs get a break. I have definitely thought about giving her more on the days when she just won't stop nursing. But, I know she's nursing for a reason and we already went through one growth spurt so I watched how her increased nursing led to an increase in my milk... so I'm exclusively breastfeeding and hoping not to give her formula again... at least not until she's older than six months.
Also? We've given Elliot a pacifier. Lactation consultants and the La Leche League will tell you that, if used during the first month of life, pacifiers cause nipple confusion. We actually gave Elliot a pacifier one night while we were still in the hospital. She was inconsolable and Jason and I didn't know what to do- so we called a nurse and she brought a pacifier. The kid sucked on it for about 20 seconds and fell asleep. We only started re-introducing the pacifier this week and I can tell you there has been no confusion. What there has been is relief for my nipples when she's seeking to console herself.
I've also put the baby in the bed with us. Although, I'm honestly not comfortable with that because I worry that one of us will roll over on her. But, she cuddles with us when she sleeps during the day and I feel bad putting her alone in her bassinet at night. She's swaddled and sleeps between two and three hours, but sometimes I think she just needs to lie down with one of us. I don't do it very often. But, it allows for a nap for me. We don't have a family bed... yet. I just can't believe this overwhelming desire to have her sleep with us. I'm not sure whether it's a good idea to resist that urge or not. I know there are strong supporters of either side and I'm clearly on the fence.
I like how one mere month of parenthood has already humbled me. Sure, I could read books about having a natural birth and about what to do and what not to do with a baby, but until you're the parent, you cannot possibly declare what you would do. I went into this parenting thing feeling confident in my parenting philosophy and ready to stand strong for my convictions. But, really? I'm just rolling with it here.
Next thing you know, we'll be going for a car ride each night to put Elliot to sleep. I'll never say never again.
Good for you, Anna, for trusting your body enough to switch back to exclusively breastfeeding when your milk came in. A lot of women feel that "my body can't do it" and don't keep trying. It is amazing that until baby is on solid food they are still completely dependent on mom to stay alive, just like when they were on the inside. It is a great system!
Your comment on the family bed reminded me of when I was working at a hospital in Tanzania and was chatting with the midwives about parenting in America. Trying to describe sleeping arrangements was difficult. "Well, babies get their own room and they sleep in this small bed that has bars around it so the baby can't get out. Then there is this radio by the bed so you can hear the baby cry..." They thought I was nuts. "Why don't women sleep with their babies? What if something happens to the baby?" So, if you do sleep with her, you are doing what the majority of the world does. Mothering instincts are something to be listened to. You can move her to her own space when you feel ready.
I can tell you that the occasional car ride is worth it. Retaining your own sanity should be pretty high on the ToDo list, or else you, your husband and anyone near you won't live long enough question your wisdom.
Oh my, I could have written that. We had to supplement at first for the same reason - but no confusion and it all worked out. I admit to the random formula feeding at night so I could get a little more sleep ... but I need to feed him - for my own comfort.
It is really amazing to feel the change in milk supply happen - how your body is reacting to your baby's need. Really really incredible, and it did make those "non-stop" feeding days a little easier to handle. I knew it would be over soon ...
Used the pacifier too .. no confusion. We only give it to him when he's falling asleep - works like a charm. And he doesn't always need it either, so I don't think the world would end if we stopped using it.
I also took the baby to bed - usually in the early morning hours for just a little while, to get a little extra rest. Never thought I would do that, but it worked so well. At 4 1/2 months now, I don't do it anymore - he sleeps better. But in those early weeks, I needed to so we could all sleep.
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Anna Johns is a blogger, podcaster and mother living in rainy Portland, Oregon.
Mother Popper is a daily blog and weekly podcast bridging the worlds of parenting and pop culture.
OK, the iPoo was super cute! It's really cool to hear your honest feelings about the birth. Paul and I wish you guys lots of healing as the adorable Elliot starts to become a being among us. Very cute. I'm a big sucka MC when it comes to the lil' ones. Hugs, TJ